


Defying Statistics

by ingenuousPerjurer (orphan_account)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Reverse Hemospectrum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-28
Updated: 2015-02-04
Packaged: 2018-03-09 09:38:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3244853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/ingenuousPerjurer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eridan is a sneaky little lowblood, just trying to survive until the next night.<br/>Sollux Captor is best friends with the heir to Alternia. He asks for nothing.<br/>The two meet, against all odds, in a variety of situations until finally Captor can't take his broken statistics any more.</p><p>OR,<br/>a collecting of very short chapters including different scenarios where the two meet until it comes to an end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Time

You were having a really good night.

If you were honest, it was the best you'd had in ages. Karkat, Terezi and you, of course, had gone to a nice restaurant, gotten a great evening meal, before hitting up the shops. 

Of course, your pleasant mood had been ruined by the petrified seadweller you were currently clutching by the shoulders.   
At first you grabbed him just because he was falling into you, but judging from his expression you're pretty sure he thinks you're going to kill him or something. You don't _think_ you're that scary. That's more Karkat's area.

Instead of letting this poor sap continue believing such, you make a half-assed attempt to lighten the mood.

"You're a shortie, for a violetblood."

Surprisingly, his scared look disappears. "You're an asshole, for a highblood."

Your own surprise, now, makes you loosen your grip and before you know it, he's wrenched himself out of your grasp and is running away-hey, is that one of Terezi's shopping bags in his hand?

Yeah, it is, but before you can do anything he's already out of sight, and you can hear Karkat and Terezi cackling behind you.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i see I tried to fix a lil formatting and ended up getting all the html in there too   
> sorry sorry sorry if you got that, here's a codeless one

For some reason, Karkat insisted you went with Nepeta and Equius on-of course-another shopping trip. EQ needed robot parts, you guess, and Karkat said you should go as protecting. You think he's just trying to make you and that seadweller from the other night live out one of his romcoms, but you value your ass too much to say so.

Now, of course, you aren't paying attention to what your companions are looking at-you don't even bother to feign it, as Nepeta has been vaguely attempting. Instead, you scan the streets outside the store they're in.

At first you get nothing-some dudes making out, some kismesises barely keeping it safe, a shopkeeper kicking somebody out-until a burst of movement in an alleyway catches your eye.

Leaving the wall you're leaned against, you investigate the situation. You're a nosy little tech geek, what can you say?

At first, you can't see much, but the fight moves your way a bit and you get a glance of a swishy, ragged purple cape.

There's only one douche you've ever seen that wears a cape.

In a flash, the bigger troll has him pinned against the wall, and you get a good look of his profile-glasses crooked, horns scraping against the bricks in a way that has to hurt. It's definitely him. The other troll-a purpleblood, she's got to be at least 6'9, bigger than Gamzee ever was-looks like she's gonna kill him.

"You tryna steal from me, you seashit?" She slams his head against the wall again, before he can respond. "Huh?"

"No-no, I sw-wear I w-wasn't-"

"I think you're tryna steal from me!"  
You step in there, before his horns can break off or something equally painful. "Ith there thomthing going on down here?"

Both turn to look at you. Your violetblood's glasses, you are displeased to notice, are also cracked in both lenses, obscuring his ocular globes.

"Do you wanna get involved here, highblood?" You nod at her, taking off your own glasses so your psiionics are in full view.

"Ith that an ithue?"

"Sounds like tissue," the violetblood mutters, before the purpleblood slaps him. "You can't talk."  
That pisses you off. His comment is annoying, yeah, but someone just one caste higher would slap him for talking is fucked up. Judging by his sour expression, he agrees.

Putting on your best 'I-am-highblood-hear-me-roar' glare, you step forward, channeling all the anger KK's got. It's faked, but they both look terrified.

"Drop the violetblood."

The other troll complies, although she shoves him so he falls to his knees directly in front of you. 

Instead of reacting, you continue your barely managed calm, pointing down the alley towards the door you guess she must of come from. What a slum.

"Go." 

She skitters off, leaving you to help your mystery lowblood to his feet and brush him off before he can run away again. He's giving you a suspicious look, his irises a shade of violet that looks bruised-which you have a valid comparison for, considering he's got a shitload of actual bruises. You wonder, idly, how his clothes got so damned ripped.

"Alright, mithter, let'th get you back to the p-

"No fuckin' w-way. Look, you mean w-well and all, but I got places to be. Thanks, bye."

He moves to tear himself out of your grip, which you only tighten. "I jutht watched you nearly get beat to a pulp, and you wanna go running off again?"

"Hell yeah."

Resisting the urge to facepalm-you'd have to let go for that-you clutch one arm of his in yours and go to pull him along. Kanaya can take care of this, plus Nepeta and Equius better be done by now.

"Hey, no, let me go!" The violetblood is still trying to get away, so you stop where you are-the sidewalk-and look him dead in the eyes.

"No chance in hell, athhole." 

His lips are moving to respond when you hear Nepeta calling your name, making you look over. "Pawlux! Where the-uh, where have you even been? It's been, like, furefur since we finished!" 

It distracts you enough that he can shove you off and start sprinting again, even if he stumbles.

"Hey, wait!"

For a moment he looks back. "What'th your name?"

The violetblood laughs, stopping to respond. "Eridan! Don't w-wear it out!" 

Then he- _Eridan_ -is gone again, disappearing into the crowd, while Equius and Nepeta swarm you best they can.


	3. Chapter 3

You don't tell anyone you saw him-Eridan, Eridan, he's got a name, after all-again, although Karkat's got his suspicions and you know Kanaya's getting concerned. 

 

You also are stubbornly refusing to acknowledge, of course, that he's also getting food at the diner you, Nepeta, Karkat, and Terezi chose, and that it looks like it's at least half the caegars he's ever owned. 

Except, of course, Karkat won't let you happily continue to deny fate.  
"Hey, Captor. Sollux. Lispy bulgelicker. Isn't that the fucker who called you an asshole?"

You glare at him and glance at the table he's hunched at, tapping away on a husktop that makes you cringe, it's so outdated. "Yeah, it ith." 

Out of the corner of your eye, you can see Nepeta's robotic tail curl, her natural smile curling into something more.. threatening. Jesus, even the shippers are after you now. 

"Go talk to him."

You stare at Karkat in surprise. "Dude, no, I don't even know him."

"I don't care." He deadpans.

You get up, mostly because you actually wanna, sorta, and frown. "Athhole."

As you approach, Eridan looks increasingly frustrated, his fingers flying over the keyboard. You notice a cup of watery grubbeans next to him, still steaming. 

Is that seriously all he could afford? You thought you didn't eat much.

"Hey, Eridan. Fancy theeing you here."

His head swivels up to glare at you-damn, his glasses are still mostly shattered. "Oh, spare me, not the highblood again. Do you ev-ven hav-ve a name?"

You snort. "Thollux. With an actual eth, not 'th'." 

"I'm callin' you Sol, then." Whoa, three dates in and you've already got a nickname. Score. 

"I'm _callin'_ you ED, to counter that." 

Eridan tilts his head, narrowing his eyes. "I ain't mockin' your impediment, don't mock my accent." 

Touchy much? Jeez, you were just making a joke. Although, you get where he's coming from.

"Yeah, yeah. Can I buy you thomething? Not like you can survive off grubbeans." You've tried.

"W-watch me," he grunts, turning back to his screen, and you take that as your cue to ditch. Maybe he'll succeed where you failed in the past.

Nah, he won't, but you'll wait until the fourth date to feed him.

"Cya, ED."

"Bye, Sol." 


	4. Chapter 4

It's been two perigees.

You haven't seen your Eridan since.

Of course, him being who he is, he doesn't show until you've given up all hope on seeing him again.

When he does, you're ninety-nine percent sure he's feral. His cape is long gone, he doesn't have shoes anymore-hell, his glasses are missing a lens now. 

Luckily, you're out alone for once, a ton of cash Karkat gave you to 'buy yourself something nice, you little bitch' on your form, so you have no qualms about jumping from store to store. 

What size would he even be? Fuck, you don't know, you pick medium. Black shirt. If you knew his symbol, you'd get it printed on, but unfortunately you haven't got a clue. A coat. Pants?

No, that's crossing a line, you guess. Bigger shirt. Cover up.

Tape. A lot of tape. You aren't sure about his glasses, so you figure at least you can ensure they stay together for a little longer. Honestly, you think you're going insane, buying clothes and shit for a lowblood you barely know. Maybe it's because out of your eleven friends, the only caste you're missing is violet. You've even got mutants from both ends of the caste, the heir himself.

Finally, you grab a bag of grubchips-fucking lusus size, the dude probably hasn't eaten so much since he was hatched-and go back into the street to see if he's still there.

Yeah, he is, propped against the wall of an alleyway a little ways away from where you are. 

Jeez, he looks the worse the closer you get. You surprise him by kneeling in front of him, the troll immediately flinching and curling back. 

"Whoa, chill. It'th me, Thol."

Eridan nods a little warily, and-oh. Yeah, he's covered in bruises. No wonder he was so freaked out. "I know-w." 

Your palmhusk beeps suddenly, spooking him again. Fuck, now you've got to go and you only just found him-

Dropping the stuff in his lap as it continues beeping as obnoxiously as possible-Karkat dies today, if that's him-, you put a super quick kiss to his forehead, this weird lowblood, this guy who you've only seen four times now, and still manages to get your bloodpusher all twisted up in pity and something a little more.

Asshole.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry i don't respond to comments evereverever but I really do read and appreciate them

For a change in things, tonight, your name is Eridan Ampora and you see that stupid highblood who _insists_ on helping you.

Of course, he's super hot, for what appears to be a nerd with a lisp, but again, he is in fact a highblood and you are the bottom of the hemospectrum. Some even consider you a mutant, which is not incorrect, as no other caste that is legitimately on the spectrum had fins and gills.

But that is not your most recent issue to be dealing with. 

Instead, in your current quest to avoid the nightmare of an ocean and survive off grubbeans and toast, you have been interrupted for _the second time_ by none other than Sollux.

You really don't understand why he's being so damned nice. You stole from his friend-fuck yeah, you stole from that purpleblood who was dead set on beating you to a faintly violet pulp, and you don't have much to offer besides sarcastic commentary and trouble. 

And yet, he bought you brand new clothes when a couple olivebloods got bored and went on a raid and left you half dead. Luckily you'd survived, and most of it has faded to bruises, but you still don't get why he actually cared enough. You have done nothing for him. Literally nothing. Either he's suffering from a severe head injury or he's just stupid as all fuck.

Still nice, though.

And still super hot. 

You're getting a good view of this now, comfortable in your way-too-big new shirt. You've only just finished the massive bag of whatever those were he gave you, managing to make them last five nights. Hell, you've saved up enough from your shitty maid-what do they call a male maid?-job to get a decent meal because of it. 

At the moment, you chill out on a bench, your designated sleeping place for last day and probably this one. You've lost your cape, meaning all you have now is the shirt to protect you from the sun. Luckily for you, you've found a location under the roof of a nearby hiveshop and you haven't been turned to ashes yet. 

You're enjoying a take-out meal- _you could afford a full take-out meal_ -when you see him again, as mentioned. His eyes are already locked on yours, while one of his friends who appears to have a gray symbol- _oh fuck is that the heir._

_That's totally the heir._

_Oh fuck._

He's got a hood up, but you've got a face on view and it's legit a Vantas. You see the shadowy outline of infamous stubby horns.

Which means a friend of the Vantas has been directly helping you out.

Not only is he a highblood, but he's a highblood _royal._

You suddenly feel very, very shitty. 

Woop, the heir is shoving him towards you and now he's looking down at you, well then-does he even have pupils? Jesus fuck. 

You raise an eyebrow, politely dodging the fact your glasses no longer have any lens and he's just a really big troll-shaped blur with red and blue smudges for ocular globes right now.

"Are you homeleth?" He asks, which is _really fucking blunt_ and _really fucking sudden._

"Are you stupid? Yeah." You fled your hive when you realized the ocean was just a salty poison pit of early death. Local gyms-generally for highbloods, but you sneak in-offer showers, so you don't smell too bad, but you're generally sporting a shitton of injuries. 

"Then you're coming with me," Sollux-yeah, that's his name-doesn't let you argue, instead managing to _pick you up_ , to your _absolute horror._

"This is takin' pick up lines a little too far, don'tcha think?" You try, hiding your panic with a cheesy joke. They've served you well in the past. You can also safely focus on his laugh instead of your arms around his _scrawny fucking neck_ and that a highblood is taking you somewhere.

"Tho you do know I've been flirting with you." He sounds triumphant.

Wait, what?

"I do now-w, apparently," wow that's a stupid thing to say. Is he blushing? His face looks a smidge more yellow, to your shitty sight. Yours is definitely violet. You know it. 

"Good, 'cauthe you're totally moving in with me."

This troll will be the death of you. Violetblood dies of heart attack: Goldblood to blame. "At least take me on a date first." 

"Consider the nick-name exchange a date, _ED._ I've even taken you shopping, we had a kith-

"Uh, no, we had a you-kissed-my-forehead after buying me a ton of stuff and ran away-

"Clothe enough." He grins at you and you resist the urge to kiss him before he does it _for you_. What a gent. 

Then you realize he's kissing you, his friends are cheering, and also he's still carrying you because apparently he wants you to move in with him.

What a romantic fucker you're flushed for.


	6. In Which A Trashy Erisol Fanfiction Writer Finishes It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> taaa da a a  
> it's not over until it's been edited and rewritten 5,000 times, so expect random updates and random plot changes every now and then.
> 
> also who needs shrek when comments give me love and life

It's been.. fuck, they don't even know how long it's been. They don't care. 

I've-uh, Karkat's been Emperor for a sweep, keeping all his friends around as various advisors and the like so they keep their stupid asses out of trouble, so probably only one and a half. 

Eridan and Sollux-Sollux and Eridan, if you ask the goldblood-are a happy pair of so-called dipshits, and they fully plan to stay that way. Eridan doesn't have to worry about food, crappy janitor work, or putting holes in the coat Sollux buys him.

Sollux doesn't have to worry about forgetting to get a decent amount of sleep, forgetting to eat, or never getting to see his 'mystery lowblood' again. It's been like that since he decided to steal him right off a bench, and it's gonna be like that till they fall asleep in their deathcoons. 

Do they fight? _Of course_. Do they say things they regret to each other? _All the time_.

Do they always apologize?

Do they always forgive each other?

You betcha. 

Are they happy as two goddamn fucking lovechirpbeasts?

Of fucking course, are you lacking a thinkpan? They're so sweet it hurts my fangs to even think about it.

**_\- Karkat Vantas, Emperor of all Trollkind and a fantastic fucking narrator._ **

* * *

 


End file.
